When I came out back in 1977, An*ta Bry*nt was on the news and being gay was becoming the 'chic' thing to be. My liberal parents, though seemingly cool about gay people, kind of 'flipped' when I came out to them. (To their credit, they got over themselves pretty quickly - considering), but I guess being in my own little world at the time, I wasn't able to completely understand what they might have been going through or what was causing them to flip out.
Their lives were going along with all the normal stuff of raising 4 children (at the time, age range of 19-7). Their eldest child (me) has graduated high school and is seeming to be floundering after her first year at college, but kids do this sometimes. She seems to be all of a sudden hanging around with a very flamboyant gay guy and some pretty masculine women, but she's a good kid.... and then the words "I'm gay" are spoken and "WOAH - what the ??!!!"
At this point, it becomes personal. To them.
It's not about, 'Gay people should be free to live their lives and An*ta Bry*nt is a nut job and needs to just let those people live their lives. They're not bothering anyone."
It is about "MY child is gay. A lesbian. How did this happen? What did I possibly do to make this happen? Why didn't I see this? What could I have done to prevent this? Which side of the family did THIS come from?(!!) Now what do we do?"
And I remember asking them, at the time, why it was such a big thing to understand or accept. I just figured that they'd be cool from the second they heard, cuz I'd heard them say how gay people are just people and it shouldn't matter as long as they're not bothering anyone else. Apparently, my parents only meant that when it wasn't pertaining to their daughter. THAT was a different story. But, I didn't get it then.
Until something becomes personal to you, it's not something that you may even think about. Whether or not people can belong to a country club only will be of importance to you when YOU can't become a member of that country club. Gay rights will only be of importance to you if you are gay and are discriminated upon.
Well even in the gay community, there are things that aren't personal to me. If you notice the acronym when people reference our community and are being inclusive, it's GBLT. When I was younger, I hated the term lesbian (it sounded like a disease) and always labeled myself as gay (even though for most, the term gay was only for homos*xual men). The "T" in there stood and still stands for Transgendered.
But for me, personally, when I hear that term, the image of Renee Richards comes to mind. But I didn't know anyone personally.
So, ok, the GBLT community wants equal rights. Ok. Sounds right. Include rights for the Trans people in the equality legislation. Change terminology in legislation to include Trans people. Ok. Sounds fair. Just words.
And then, someone I knew and have known over the past 15 years, though not really close, but close enough, told me that they were going to transition from female to male. Wow. Ok... good for you. Of course, he's changing his name. And of course, he'll be looking a bit different, as the medications have their affects on him. OK. I'm still his friend. Of course. But I don't really understand.
And then another friend, this one is a bit closer to me, (as he's* the partner of a very good friend of mine), came out as being trans.
Now what the HELL is going on? (echos of my Mother reaction back then "What, is everyone gay?!!")
But back to the present day. I thought to myself, "C'mon! It's not enough to just be masculine? Being butch and dressing in men's clothes isn't enough? Huh?"
I didn't get it. Especially in the case where the 2nd friend was with a lesbian. Hell, HE had been a lesbian. (??) Now, if he's becoming a man, then when all is said and done, won't they be straight?!!! (think about it!)
Yesterday, Chastity Bono 'came out'. Again. Well, not exactly again. Different. He* came out as transgendered. He is transitioning from female to male. At the age of 40. (wow - he's 40!)
Everyone is talking about it. People who don't know him will talk about it as "wow, how wild. Wonder why after all these years as being identified as gay, that's not enough, blah blah blah".
I'm sure his Mom (Cher) will be cool about it, in time. But she first heard the words, she was probably stunned, just as any parent would be when first hearing those words.
But what it comes down to is that no one really has to understand. Not everyone can, wants or needs to understand what makes people feel and need to do things.
It's not about understanding or judging. It's about being supportive. Being a parent. Being a friend. Being a partner or spouse.
I'm sure transitioning is a hard enough journey to be on without having to worry about the reactions from all the people in their lives. But inside, they're still the same person. It's about making the outside match what they feel inside. And whether you, I or anyone else can understand that concept or not, is really not relevant.
Their parents, friends, and family just need to support and love them. Their co-workers need to continue to respect them as they always have. It's an adjustment, no doubt, but one that can and needs to be made.
I'm glad that the two people that I know personally have that support. And that I'm a part of that support.
Not all trans people have support. Whether you're straight, gay, trans, whatever... it's all about treating others equally.
Shabbat Shalom.
*- starting in the transitioning period, pronouns are changed to the gender being transitioned to.
