I don't know about you, but sometimes it just freaks me out how many years its been since I graduated from high school. It seems like just yesterday. And then I realize that it's 2009. Um... er... uh... yep, 34 years ago. How could that possibly be? Just insane.
Anyway, I've been coordinating a reunion of our Temple youth folk rock group since the fall. I knew it was going to be a challenge to rustle up and find people, since I had kept in touch with no one since my high school graduation. One of the pitfalls of being gay and feeling isolated from 'those normal' kids. What would I have in common with them? I didn't even feel that Judaism would be a connection, since I figured that most Jews would shun homosexuals. Ah, to be young and influenced heavily by your peers.
Before I could start looking for alumni of the folk rock group, I had to first find out if our Cantor from back then would be interested in coming out of retirement and 'conducting' us. I had not seen Cantor G over the past 34 years and when I rejoined my Temple, I was told that though he still lives within a few miles of the Temple, he hadn't come back at all since he retired. Not for services. Not for anything. I also heard that his daughter (a year younger than me) lived in Harlem, NY and his son (a year or 2 younger than my brother David) lived in Israel. I was also told that his wife had Alzheimer's.
He sounded the same on the phone, as I tried to picture him in my mind while I told him of the reason for my call. He almost sounded disinterested and asked in all seriousness, "Do you think that anyone will come?" It kind of broke my heart to hear him ask this. He had been such a vivacious presence - so enthusiastic about music and had a beautiful tenor voice that could reach some pretty good low notes, as well. I reassured him with absolutely no reservation, that yes, of course, they will come. When I hung up, I wondered as to just who those people would be.
The youth group recorded 2 albums back in the mid 70's and then in the early 80's, so there were different songs recorded with different kids on each. I was on the first album. I started with the list of names on the back of the albums and started typing them into F*cebook. I found our drummer and flutist (kick-ass jazz flutist!) and both were interested in coming... YES! The drummer was local to the area still and the flutist was up in the Boston area. Though within a week, the flutist informed me that he would be traveling the weekend of the reunion, so he wouldn't be able to make it. And his friend would also not be able to make it. I started to think that there might not be very many people that I would know. I told her that I would keep her e-mail on the e-mails with information, just in case she could make it after all.
The drummer, the flutist and his friend, a woman, who sang were all from my era. There was also a current member of our Congregation who was my age and her husband who was a few years older than us. I then found the guitarist that played on the 1st album, who was a few years younger than us, and he was all excited and said he would play at the reunion. I then found the keyboardist from the 2nd album and our accompaniment was all set! Now we just needed some singers!
Advertising in the Temple bulletin generated some e-mails with names/e-mail addresses of members of the group who were in the group after me. I started my spreadsheet and soon I had 10 people! I'm not sure I really envisioned how many people would actually respond and then how many would show up, but I kept thinking positively and praying for a good turnout.
Unfortunately, it became apparent that the only people that we were going to get to actually come were people who still lived on the East Coast and in New England. But even with that limitation, little by little, we came to have about 30-35 people saying that they were coming! I was getting excited.
Our present Cantor suggested that in my invitation e-mail, I ask people who were interested in coming, what songs they remembered from back in the day, and the top 3 songs that they would like to sing during our Service. The top 3 were repeated over and over with each responding e-mail. How funny, I thought, that over a roughly 20 year period, some songs just endured, were remembered and loved.
The Cantor made copies of a CD with the 3 songs and mailed them out to the alumni along with sheet music with the words to the song, so that everyone could practice in the few months before our reunion.
The plan was to have everyone just come early for a rehearsal the day of the service and we'd plan the arrangements when we got together.
Over the past few months, Cantor G began responding to the e-mails asking me how many people were coming and reminding me to keep smiling. He was getting excited. He had something to look forward to.
I didn't want it to be just a service and then everyone just go away, maybe never to see each other for another 20-30 years, so I booked a room at a local restaurant and invited the alumni and their families to join together for a Shabbat dinner afterward. Ah, another spreadsheet to keep track of!
Though no one I know thinks this, I am basically a shy person. I am awkward when in situations where i don't know anyone. And when I looked at the final spreadsheet as the event was just days away, I realized that i knew about 5 people out of the 27 that had committed to come! Eeek! Awkward!
The day before the event, I got an e-mail from the woman who was the friend of the flutist. She said, "Surprise, surprise, surprise, the flutist & I are coming tomorrow! We may not make it down for the rehearsal, but we'll be there for the service!" (She lives in Vermont! - about 4 hours away) I was thrilled!
When I showed up at the Temple at 3:45pm on the day of the event, some people already were there. I didn't recognize anyone. But I smiled and introduced myself and within minutes, we were all friends. They hadn't seen the Temple with all of the recent renovations, so we chatted and I gave them a tour.
More and more people came and some knew each other and some didn't. It didn't matter. We were folk rocker alumni! I handed out name tags, just so I could remember who was who. And then some more of the 'older' crowd came and it was a little more balanced. I met lots of great people and got reconnected to my old crew and it was as if we hadn't all seen each other in 30+ years. Incredible.
And then Cantor G showed up and it was so good to see him. He looked the same, just older. His eyes sparkled just like they used to back when he would conduct us and he was trying to make us relax and smile while we sang in front of the congregation! I felt a lump in my throat when I greeted him and he opened his arms and engulfed me with a big hug and whispered "thank you" in my ear.
He went from person to person, recognizing us all, no matter if he hadn't seen us in 30 or almost 20 years! He didn't rush us into rehearsing, as he, too, wanted to experience a little 'catch-up' time first. But then, as we needed to practice and get the instruments in sync, he clapped his hands and said in his booming voice to listen up and let's get started. It was just like we were all back in high school again!
The fist tentative sounds coming out of our mouths were kind of shy. Everyone suddenly seemed to realize that we were about to get up in front of a crowd and sing songs that we hadn't sung in a very long time. It was a little strange.
And then it wasn't.
And then we focused on Cantor G and remembered all those times that we sang those songs and it was fun. And the older crowd heard harmonies that the younger members came up with and we all ooh'd and aah'd over how nice it sounded. And then the younger crowd admitted that they weren't too familiar with the version of the 2nd song, but they would wing it! it was comfortable and we all were in the cool crowd once again.
I met children of the alumni, and parents. There was lots of hugging and catching up during the Oneg Shabbat before services. Linda & Sophie showed up and I introduced them to everyone. One of the alumni who lives locally had a 6 year old daughter who we were hoping would hit it off with Sophie at the dinner.
Just before services started, I saw a man and woman walking thru the crowd and as they passed me, I did a double take, as I realized that is was the flutist and his friend. Lots of hugging and introductions and then it was time for Services.
The sanctuary was filled to capacity. Not just for us, as there 2 church groups visiting our congregation, as well as 2 Bar Mitzvahs' happening on Saturday morning, so their families and friends were also there.
When we got up to start off the service with Debbie Friedman's "Sing Unto God", and I looked out at my congregation, I felt so proud. To be a part of them. To feel their love and support. And then I looked around to my fellow singers and I was filled with another sense of pride. What a special connection I have with these people. No matter what we all grew up to become, we had this 'thing' that we all shared from our youth.
We then did Michael Isaacson's version of the "Sh'ma and V'ahavta" - complete with clapping and a lot of lalalalalla's! (Sophie claimed that I didn't open my mouth enough when I was singing!)
By the 3rd song, which was a little slower and longer, I was really feeling pretty good about how things had turned out and enjoyed scanning the crowd to get a sense of how they were feeling. It was a sea of smiles and enjoyment everywhere I looked. The song was "Shalom Rav" by Jeff Klepper. Very pretty.
Instead of the Rabbi speaking after the Kiddish, Cantor G got up to speak.
He spoke of how the group started and how the congregation back then was appalled at the thought of kids getting up on the bima and singing the prayers with that rockish sort of beat. How dare they! He also spoke about his reasons for staying away from the Temple after retirement and that was, quite simply, to give the new Cantor her space! he spoke about how different things were back then and how wonderful all the changes are. He spoke so eloquently and humbly about how touched he was by everyone coming together again and how much it meant to him.
I smiled at this wonderful man who had led me in so much more than song all those years ago, realizing that he was one of the important people in my life who had been a big part of shaping my Jewishness. I had tears in my eyes throughout his talk, though, because he started off his 'sermon' by saying some very kind words about a certain someone who had a crazy idea to have a folk rock reunion and he said a very public thank you to me.
Sermons don't usually get a round of applause, but when he finished speaking, there was a lot of clapping and then the folk rockers kind of looked at each other and all stood up and soon the entire Congregation was up on their feet, as well. It was a well deserved display of appreciation for a man who had really been a strong presence in our Congregation.
Cantor G just smiled as he looked all around the room.
Afterward, about 20 alumni and their families went to a nearby restaurant and had a great dinner and caught up. After we did an impromptu blessing over the wine and bread, I made a small toast to the man of the hour. it was a great evening.
The whole time I was working on this project, it never hit me that it would be so emotional. It took me a few days to really understand all that I was feeling about it. I knew that I wanted to send an e-mail to Cantor G thanking him for everything, which I did today and his reply was so sweet, that I thought I would share it here:
My dear Val,
What a lovely message......you and all the young people who hung around the Temple those many years ago have remained in my heart and mind all of this time. Seeing them, talking with them, seeing how beautifully they have turned out, filled me with a joy I never could have anticipated. It was a wonderful experience for me. The whole event from rehearsal to oneg to the service and to the dinner filled me with a warmth and happiness I never ever could have imagined.
Thank you for making it happen and for introducing me to your sweet lovely little girl. She is a gem.
Please give my best to your partner who obviously is a wonderful person. (In all the excitement I forgot her name).
Please give my best to your family..........
All my best to you,
Cantor G
There's a term for this man. He's a mensch. And I am fortunate to have had him in my life.
Oh my GOD, how FABULOUS!
What an astounding story, esp you being so shy & all. (Who Knew?!)
Val, you are awesome to have done this!
Wonderful blog entry, great writing.
Posted by: KMae | 03/25/2009 at 05:42
WHERE'S YOUR TISSUE ALERT?! [gah!]
[sniffle, sniffle....]
Sounds like a lovely (and emotional) reunion. Good on ya! :-)
Posted by: zahava | 03/25/2009 at 07:22
beautiful - just beautiful. so awesome that you did this and that it was a spectacular success! And the naches you brought to your cantor clearly made an impact. that's awesome.
like the header image, by the way.
Posted by: Ezer K'negdo | 03/25/2009 at 07:40
How sweet!!! Wow...
:D Nice work, kiddo.
Oh and ummm 34 years ago I was 2.
:::running away:::
Posted by: Tina-cious.com | 03/25/2009 at 08:22
Congratulations on an excellent event! How fantastic to have all re-ignited memories and re-connected a community. Kudos.
Posted by: Deborah | 03/25/2009 at 09:36
Wow, what a great story. I'm so glad it turned out so well!
Posted by: Kathleen | 03/25/2009 at 09:47
Thanks everyone for your really sweet comments... it was a joy to experience it and plan it!
Posted by: val | 03/25/2009 at 18:33
What a great idea. I also have lots of fond memories from my time in the Folk Rock group. Canter G. was a big influence on me as well, and I'm envious that you got to reconnect with him.
Wish I could have been there.
Your [much younger] brother
Posted by: treppenwitz | 03/26/2009 at 03:04
Absolutely one of the good ones....
Posted by: Maria | 03/26/2009 at 21:00