Val-isms

Celebrating my 'other' sister

“I’ve always wanted a sister!!!!

Just about 20 years ago, I heard those words come thru the phone receiver when I answered the phone.

On the other end was my future sister-in-law.  I thought she was insane.  I also already had a sister and quite frankly, my feeling was 1 was enough!   I was not in the market for another one.

My brother David had met this woman and after just a few months of dating, had proposed and none of us had even met her.  (We won’t even go to that place that begins to wonder what kind of person would be interested in, no less want to MARRY my brother!!!)  I kid, I kid!!!

Let me also mention how perky she sounded.  I rolled my eyes.

I remember calling my sister and we both just groaned at what was in store for us having this new addition to our family.

I  remember my brother bringing her to my home so I could meet her one evening to hang out with me and my ex.  They suggested playing the game Pictionary – the latest game that everyone was playing.  It wasn’t until after a game or 2 where they royally kicked our asses, that they decided to share with us that she was a graphic artist!  NIIIIIIIIICE!!!  Of course we’ll be happy to continue playing with you – NOT!

The next time I saw her was a few months later at her bridal shower.  At her parents’ home in Schenectady, NY. 

I should mention that my sister-in-law is just about 5’2” tall and her people and it seemed like all of her friends and family, were about that tall, as well.  My Mom is 5’7”, my ex is 5’6” and I am 5’9” (but now I’m 5’8” – which we won’t talk about!).  So the 3 “Gullivers” walked into the house and entered the room and promptly tried not to step on or trip over anyone.  Even my sister who is about 5’5” seemed tall!!!  It was quite a day, as you can imagine.

Forget about being tall to make you feel different, but it was 1991 and being a lesbian wasn’t quite as fashionable as it is today!  Her Mother welcomed me and my ex into the family with a smile and a hug.  Aside from the ‘size’ issue, the day was a lot of fun.

As the wedding date (a mere 3 months later) approached, talk of who was in the wedding party started.  My sister and I were informed that we would be bridesmaids.  I had never had that honor before.  I knew it would involve a dress.  Sigh.

The only nice thing I can say about the dress that we all had to wear was that it was $25.00.  So when I threw it away afterwards, I had no remorse!  Her Mother had found a bargain that also matched the color scheme of the wedding – black & white!  Fantastic.  

I present our family (circa Sept 15, 1991) – which included my infamous (and sorely missed) Grandma Fay (far left) who was told to wear black and white (which she did, but wanted some color, so she added a red slip underneath!)  The others are from  l-r: my sister Elizabeth, Dad, the wedding couple (!!), my Mom, my brother Benjamin & me! (though you can't tell, I had that fashionable "#7" hair cut and a perm just growing out!!)

Since that day, I don’t know how it happened, Cheryl Bogner has grown to be a confidant and trusted friend of mine.   (The same woman who, when I called her at her job right after they were married, answered “Cheryl Bogner” and I thought, “My mother never named any of her children Cheryl!!!”)

We don’t agree on everything (cuz how much fun would THAT be???!!) but on important stuff, we do. 
She doesn’t do things quite the way I do and I’m sure the same is true from her perspective and the two f  us could not be any more different – starting with our height.  But she can make me laugh!  And we respect our differences and can pretty much  (and have!!) talked about anything and everything.

Since they moved to Israel and with the great invention called Skype, we talk at least 3-4 times a week – or at least chat via Skype IM’ing.    It’s brought us even closer.

So all of this wandering down memory lane is because today (January 13^th) just happens to be her birthday!  And it’s kind of a junior type of milestone, so I thought it would be nice to let her know how much she means to me. 

And it’s kind of cool that at her ‘young’ age, she is now the proud mother of a beautiful and talented 18 year old daughter!!! (along with 2 great boys!)

Hope your day is filled with fun and laughter!

Happy birthday, Cheryl! J (aka Zahava – as she’s known in Israel!)

Metcha Day 2011

This past week was Linda & Sophie's 'metcha day' anniversary - the day they met each other for the first time!  This year marked their 6th anniversary.

Though there was nothing special planned on the day, we all acknowledged it and Linda said "I officially have known Sophie more than half of her life!".

I think it's a win-win for both of them.  They have each touched each other's lives in such positive ways.  I'm grateful that they have forged a bond between them that provides Sophie the opportunity to have an impartial person to talk to when her Mom's may be too 'close' to the situation. 

And though Linda has said time and time again that she never really saw herself as a Mom, I think that the relationship she has with Sophie affords her the opportunity to be maternal and be a mentor to a child who really has a lot in common with her; an only child and Asian.

Happy 6th anniversary to my favorite 2 people in my life!

A nice story

The path our lives take sometimes truly prove, at least to me, that God exists and that people, after all is said and done, are just people.

It doesn’t matter what your title is.  It doesn’t matter where you live or how much money, material objects, or toys you accumulate over your life.

At the end, how you treat people and how people treat you is truly how a life is measured.

Sure, we’re all trying to succeed professionally and make a comfortable life for ourselves and our family, but family… there it is, that multi-defined word. 

Let me tell you a story.

A couple was together for many years and for whatever reason, they broke up.  It was not a mutual decision and person A was the one who made the decision.  Person B was not happy… actually very angry and upset.

They shared a child and though they weren’t seeing eye to eye at the beginning, they agreed that as far as the child was concerned, the ‘family’ would remain intact.  And they did this.  Even so far as to continue to occasionally have meals together.   The 3 of them – the broken-up couple and their child.

Person A fell in love with someone (Person C) soon after they broke up with person B.  They included the child in their relationship after a year of being together.  Person B was not happy with Person C being at all involved in the ‘family’ – specifically with the child.

After a few years, person A invited person B to join with a Rosh Hashanah meal with Person A, C and child at their home.  Person B accepted.  Then person B invited Persons A & C to their home for Thanksgiving and Christmas at their home.  All parties accepted.

Person C became known to Person B’s extended family and was accepted.

Now person B has many animals including a dog, cat & guinea pig.   Person C's offer to be the dog-walker for person B’s dog was accepted in August after she offered to do it at a savings for person B!

In early September, during the hurricane, my parents lost power and we had them come stay with us and then we lost power, but we still had hot water.  Person B invited us all over for dinner, as she still had power, and provided us space for our frozen food.

In mid-September, person B’s mother broke her leg and was suffering complications due to diabetes and person B needed to be with her in Florida for an unknown amount of time.  Who would take care of the animals – specifically the dog, while person B was away?

Person C stepped up and offered to do this, which involved moving herself into person B’s home (which used to be person A’s home, too!).

As you might surmise, this scenario was a reality for me (Person A), Linda (Person C) and my ex (Person B) during the time period of mid Sept thru now.  In fact,  my ex ended up being away for 3 weeks and during that time, Linda stayed at her home and not only took care of the animals, but was also available for Sophie after school each day and sometimes got her off to school in the morning on some days.

My ex returned home (after her Mom was somewhat stable) on Oct 9^th, remained home for a week and departed again to Florida on the 16^th.   Linda was all set to move back over to my ex’s house again, when my parents stepped up and offered to take Shiloh (the dog) over to their home, so that Linda could remain in her own home (with me!) and could just resume her dog-walking duties (in addition to checking on the guinea-pig & the cat) each day.

My parents still consider my ex as part of their family, which makes sense, since they’ve known her for the past 34 years and continues to spend time with them and has continued to help them out over the years since our split in 2004. 

Of course they would offer to help out with the dog.  They’re good and generous people, as well.

It’s taken almost 8 years for my ex to realize that Linda is someone who is not to be resented.  That she is someone who has a good and generous heart.

Just as my ex has had to accept the fact that Linda is the one that makes me happy and who cares deeply for our child and our child is crazy about her as well, Linda has had to have accepted the fact that my ex will always be a part of my family. 

I'm just grateful that all of these wonderful people are in my life and a part of my family.

 People.  Family.  It’s all encompassing, isn’t it? 

Being a parent of a Middle Schooler & expanding the photography business

Wow!  So July & August are over and not a post was written.  Sorry to those few people still poking in here to see what I've been up to!  Check me out on that space that begins with an "F" for daily input, though it's not too much better!

The summer flew by due to a combination of my day job being very busy with a rewrite project on the billing system that I work on, spending time with Sophie & Linda, training for a 52 mile bike ride that Linda & I will be participating on the 10th anniversary of 9/11, and just a bunch of other day-to-day things.

Sophie spent time this summer at the day camp that she went to last year.  It's local (next town over) but there were not a lot of kids this year that she connected with until the last 2 week session and by then, she was pretty much done with it.  Due to her grandfather (my  ex's Dad) living with them for a few months and my ex taking vacation days/work from home, Sophie really only went to camp a few days a week.  I'm hoping that next summer will have her at sleep-away camp for 4 weeks and home for the other 6 doing some local stuff.  We'll see.

Sophie turned 11 on August 7th and celebrated with 2 of her 3 best buds (Tori & Kayla.  Bridget was away) by having the girls come to my place on Saturday the 6th for some swimming in the afternoon, then Linda & I brought the girls to meet up with my ex for dinner at the local pizza place, followed by cake and a sleepover at my ex's house.  All in all, a great birthday weekend!

The rest of August passed much too quickly and here we are already finished with Labor Day weekend!

Linda's photography business had no Mitzvahs in the summer, but she did get a request to take pictures of an almost 1 year old, to put pictures on his birthday invitations.  This was from a family member, but it allowed Linda to expand her gallery on her website.  She was also asked to take pictures at this 1 yr olds' birthday party - which is coming up on Sept 10th.

We attended 2 baby showers in August.  My niece (on my ex's side) who pretty much lived with us growing up, and her husband of 3 years are expecting their first child (a girl) around Halloween.  That same weekend, we also attended a baby shower for a lesbian couple friends of ours who are expecting their first child (a boy!) on Sept 10th!  We offered both couples, as our gift to them, their child's first photo shoot!

The lesbian couple asked Linda if she would take some maternity shots of the expectant Mom before she gives birth, so last Saturday (just mere hours before Hurricane Irene came pounding on our shores!), Linda shot her first maternity pictures!  It was very cool and and we got the Moms-to-be in the nursery , outside their home and even with some tiny booties on a very large bare tummy!  It was a fun 2 hours for all involved!

We've had inquiries about some other baby shoots, so we'll see if these types of 'shoots' will fill in the time between Mitzvahs.  So far we have a Mitzvah in September (our first Bar Mitzvah!) and twin girls being Bat Mitzvah'd Thanksgiving weekend.  Hoping to get some calls for more bookings as people get back into the swing of school and such.

In the meantime, Linda & I have gone on long bike rides every weekend for the past 5, gearing up for this 52 mile bike ride that claims to be the flattest century in New England (or some such nonsense!).  It starts in Dartmouth, MA and goes into Rhode Island and back.  After the 1 year old's birthday party, Linda & I will head to Dartmouth to stay over night, as the ride starts at 6:30am on Sunday 9/11.  So far we've been able to average about 10 miles an hour, so we should be done by noon!

This past Saturday, we did 45 miles in 4.5 hours and those last 5 miles about killed me!  Here's hoping that I can get to the gym at least once this week to do about 1.5 hours on a stationary bike.  My bike is having a tune-up this week and I won't have it back until Friday.

Linda is finishing up the maternity pictures this week and will post some of them on her website.  If you'd like to check out her work, please do so at:  www.etanaphotography.com   She's also on Fac*b**k.  And if you need any headshots for resume's or websites or family portraits for holiday cards, please feel free to contact her via the e-mail on her website.

Shiloh update:  She is still very much a puppy at the tender age of 6 months old, but has peaked at about 36 lbs and has just recently learned how to sit and give her paw, making her even more cute and irresistable! 

Sophie starts middle school tomorrow (school was delayed starthing from Sept 1st to the 6th due to the many people and some schools who lost power throughout the town for multiple days) and she's pretty excited about it.  We've had long talks with her about her 'job' being getting good grades and having some fun while learning.  She is going to go out for the track team, which we're very excited about.  She has never joined any team activities before and I think she'll gain some confidence by doing so.  It's amazing the apparent change in her going from 10 to 11.  It's remarkable.

The teachers smartly separated the 4 buddies as 6 elementary schools merge together into this Middle School, so it will enable the girls to make some other friends as well as focus on schoolwork, versus talking!  

The hurricane Irene and the threat of coastal flooding had my my parents spending 2 nights at our no-dogs-allowed condo for 2 nights!  Yes, of course, they brought their dogs.  And also my sister's dog who they were dog sitting for!  Yep, 3 dogs and 3 cats under the same roof.  My sister's dog was the only one who had the 'live and let live' attitude.  But we all survived in the dark for 2 days together.  At least we had our iPhones to somewhat stay connected to the outside world!  It was pretty tough, not having access for that time period.  But we did survive.

Thankfully it's a short week this week...

Catching up...

Highlights:

• As a graduation present from her 2 Mom's & Step-Mom, Sophie got a cell phone on Sunday June 19th, 2011.  She said it was the happiest day of her life.  She earned this phone that she'd been begging for by showing great responsibility with regards to Shiloh and in doing things around both of her homes.
• Sophie graduated from 5th grade on June 21st, 2011.  After graduation, which her other Mom (G), Linda & I attended, at her request we all went out to dinner.  As we all sat down, Sophie looked around at the 3 of us and said "This is so great.  My entire family is all together." (yes, I got ferklempt!)  Without going into too many details to protect the innocent AND guilty, by the end of the dinner, Sophie was grounded and had lost her cell phone for a week.  Ugly doesn't begin to describe her behavior at that restaurant.  The good news is after a week, the attitude adjustment had been implemented and it's been fine ever since.
• Linda & I shot 2 Bat Mitzvahs.  Both went well and on the 2nd one, we received our first tip.
• Linda ran a 1/2 marathon in our town and though she didn't come in under the time she wanted, she ended up running with a friend of ours who caught up to her at mile 2!  And it was the first race that I didn't go back into the car and read/fall asleep, set my alarm to get up in time to see her cross the finish line!  I actually saw her 3 times during the race by driving my car on back roads on the course.  It was very cool!
• Linda's photography business booked a Bar Mitzvah for September and received an inquiry regarding a Bat Mitzvah for twins for November.
• Linda shot pictures of our friends' band
• Linda finished the post-processing for all of her jobs by July 3rd.
• Business Website revamping began July 4th!

Shiloh continues to grow and behave like a puppy.  This is both cute and destructive!  We're thankful that she lives at G's house!  Sophie's learning that it's not all fun and games having a puppy.

G had family (brother and sister-in-law and their 2 kids (ages 8 & 6) from out of town visit for the last 2 weeks and thus this week, they ventured into NYC for a day with them this past Wednesday.  G asked if Linda would mind going over around 1:30 to let Shiloh out.  She did and the following is an example of what she went through trying to get Shiloh to walk around to do her business:

 

Linda finally got her up and moving and then received this look:

 

Got her up again and then this happened:

 

I received these images from Linda's iPhone via e-mail as a play-by-play which had me laughing my butt off while sitting in the office.

That evening, when I got home from work, Linda asked me if my ex (G)'s Dad (who is up from Florida living with her for the new few months and who has met Linda numerous times both here AND in Florida) knows who she is.  I asked why.  She said, "Because today he asked me how long I've been doing this.  And when I asked him what he meant.  He asked how long I'd been working for the dog walking lady."  I cracked up and thought that maybe G's Dad was losing it a little.

The dog is so damn cute that it's hard to stay mad at her!  In fact, we were all over at my ex's for a 4th of July picnic on Saturday, where there was so much excitement, that when the weather turned bad and Sophie & her cousin Matthew plopped on the living room floor to play a video game on the computer, this happened:

 

Of course, people started taking pictures, and that caused Shiloh to lift her head to see what all the clicking noises were about and then she did this:

 

Yesterday (Thurs), G and her family from out of town came over with Sophie to hang at the pool at our condo for the afternoon.  I really like and miss her brother & sister-in-law, so it's been nice seeing them and having them meet Linda.  It's so incredible to me that we all can hang out together - G, Linda & I and that for Sophie's sake, we're all family.

So, I asked G what's going on with her Dad that he thought Linda was the dog walker or working for the dog walker.  She started laughing as did her brother & sister-in-law.  She said, "My Dad thinks that both of you work for the dog walker!!!".  (I had stopped over after work to take Shiloh out, sinc they were going to be in the city all day and not getting back until 9)  We were all cracking up. 

So I said, "Well, Linda would probably BE your dog walker if you wanted to pay her what you were going to pay that dog walker lady you met with the other day."  And G said, "and I'd pay her if she wanted the job."  We laughed and went onto another subject.  (Linda had not yet come outside while this conversation was going on)

That night, I told Linda about the conversation and she said, "I'd do it and she wouldn't even have to pay me as much as she was going to pay that woman."  So after a serious discussion... I called up G and told her that I had a proposition for her and by the end of the call, Linda was the official Shiloh dog walker!

I have been experiencing knee issues since last week (and then went on a 15 mile bike ride with Linda on Monday afternoon before going to the fireworks with Sophie, Linda & G's family) and went ot the dr yesterday, where it was determined that I have miniscus issues and was prescribed heavy duty anti-inflamatory pills, told to ice it at least 3 times a day and to start physical therapy next week.

So I called my boss and said I was working from home in the afternoon and today.

Since the weather was bad today - humid and chance of t-storms, we let Sophie stay home with us instead of going to camp.  I had my annual eye exam at 11:30, so Linda & Sophie came with me and then after grabbing a bite of lunch, we went to take Shiloh out.  After she peed, we decided to take her to the dog park for a walk and see how she made out.

Thankfully, she's great in the car.  (Not so good on the getting in or getting out - needs to be picked up for each direction)

Upon arrival, she had her tail down and had to be coaxed (dragged) up onto the walkway.  There were a few other dogs and she was very intimidated.  Once they smelled her and let her by, we were pretty much by ourselves but Shiloh still kept trying to turn back towards the car.  We persisted to coax her along and a little further up, a woman and her yellow lab came up from behind and the dog was very calm and friendly and Shiloh liked her.  They passed us and Shiloh, with her tail raised high and wagging, followed happily!

She's far from perfect, but by the end of the walk, she was really doing well.  Though she didn't once go to the bathroom!  On the way home, she was pretty tired and passed out on the back seat of the car, but she wasn't alone.   When Linda went to take a picture, though, this is what she caught:

 

Not only does it take a village to raise a child, but it seems it also takes a village to raise a dog!

Sniffles, coughing & shooting, oh my!

The home office for Etana Creative Photography has been filled with the sounds of productivity... and head/chest colds over the past few days!

Linda came down with it the end of last week and is still coughing and I came down with it on Sunday and am in the full congested, sniff-ly and coughing mess that a summer cold entails!  (Can I just say how much I HATE blowing my nose and how much the sniffling I'm doing is making my wife crazy???!!)

We enjoyed a non-shoot weekend by actually being able to hang by the pool on Sunday and just basically relaxing, but come Monday morning, sniffles or not, we headed off in the morning to the shooting of the 'formal' shots of the Bat Mitzvah family that is happening this upcoming weekend.  It went fine, but we still have to learn to put our feet down in terms of not letting the family 'rush' things along.  Family members needed to leave and the antsy-ness it not really conducive to taking creative pictures.  Linda still managed to get some great shots, but it's crazy that people who are spending some serious money, really don't get that it's not just about pointing the camera and clicking, otherwise, your Uncle Joe could snap the pictures for you.  There is lighting to be setup and ensuring that it's not just posing head on to the camera... sigh.

Anyway... since then I've been home working, as my boss and co-workers basically told me that me and my germs can feel free to NOT come into the office to spread this snotty mess on them!  Today, I'm a little better, but still hacking and sneezing.

Yesterday, I made an excellent noodle kuggel for the pot-luck Shavuot dinner at the Temple and enjoyed some other great dairy dishes in honor of receiving the Ten Commandments... Sophie & I love, love LOVE this holiday as we go into kuggel overload!  SO good, but SO fattening, so it's our annual treat!  There was a great turnout of families for the brief service, too!

Some business news... we received a call regarding a Bar Mitzvah in the 4th quarter of 2012 and we're meeting with the family on Friday at noon.  And we got another call about a Bar Mitzvah for September 2011!!! 

Funny story:

When we started the business, we got a new phone and phone # to be the "business" phone.  Nothing fancy - basic phone.  But it was never really with us - just at home and Linda would check for messages from her phone or work phone to see if anyone had called, a few times a day.  Then, being someone who HATES talking on the phone and me, having the title of "Manager - Client Relations" (in addition to my other business titles:  "Shlepper of all heavy camera accessories" and "2nd shooter of party pictures"!!), she then calls me and instructs me to call the person back!  A great process that has been successful.

Yesterday, Linda & I are working in the 'home office' together (2 desks, bookshelves, a small tv and a file cabinet allow us to be together while working on our respective jobs!) and all of a sudden the Etana phone starts ringing!  Holy crap!  A prospective client!  The first time we're actually hearing the phone ring!  Linda gets up and grabs the phone and hands it to me and the following conversation takes place:

Linda: "YOU answer it!" 

Me:  "Ok - what button do I press?"

Linda:  "I don't know!"

Me:  "What do you mean, you don't know?!!!"

Linda: "I've never answered the phone before!"

Meanwhile, the phone has rung a number of times and now signals that we've missed the call and it's gone to voice-mail!

So we wait to see if a voicemail is left and .... nope.  Nada.

So being the innovative Client Relations Manager that I am, I called the number and told the woman who answered that I was on another call with a client and couldn't switch over to answer her call, but how could I help her?!!!  (Smooth, no??!?!)  The call went well and she actually spoke with Linda about her shooting style and then we e-mailed her our pricing info.  We hope to hear back from her soon.

Meanwhile, I wish we had video footage of the 2 of us bumbling trying to figure out the damn phone!  Really professional! NOT! 

We have practiced and know now how to answer the phone!  We'll be ready next time!

Hoping to return to my 'real' office tomorrow!